


Guilt

by Starofwinter



Series: Bar Fight [3]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Everyone needs to use their words, Jaing is trying, M/M, Other, Subdrop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 07:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12743853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Ordo and Jaing have a talk about what happened with Anomaly.





	Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> Set after [Bar Fight](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11586540) and before [Lessons in Etiquette by SubtropicalStenella](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12037839)

“Jaing.”

He knows that tone.  Ordo is here to have  _ words _ , and he's pretty sure he knows why.  Still, he doesn't roll over, just stays curled up where he is in his blanket nest.  “What, Ordo?”  

“We need to talk about Anomaly.”  Now he definitely knows what it's about.  Ordo sits down, but he doesn't say another word, and Jaing sits up to look at him.  

“Look, he was willing-  _ more than willing _ .  He asked for it,  _ with words _ .  I made sure.”  Jaing knows he was rough, but he would  _ never  _ force anyone to do anything.  That's not his style.  He's a Null, not a monster.  

“I know, Ja’ika.”

“So what's the problem?”  They were both willing, they both had a good time, Anomaly was fine when he left, marked up just like they both liked, and probably about to go charm someone for free drinks, like he always did.  

Ordo sighs.  “You left him after.  Things like that… when we do scenes, when you and Mereel do scenes, taking care of you after, there's a reason for that.”

Jaing tries not to tense.  Okay  _ fine _ , he gets shaky sometimes, and he wants to be held, even if he never says it.  That's- that's just him being weak.  “He was fine,” he says, a little sharper and harsher than he ought to, defensive and prickling.   “If he wanted something else, he should have said so.”

“Udesii, vod-”

“No, don’t tell me to calm down!  You’re telling me that Anomaly is hurt, and it’s my fault, I don’t need to be  _ calm. _ ”

Ordo sighs.  “I’m telling you that these scenes you do, they’re dangerous for him.  For you too.  I’m  _ worried _ about both of you.  And I was worried that you would react exactly like this.”

“Fuck you, Ordo.  You don’t know-”

“I don’t know you?   I don’t know that you’re blaming yourself now, and tearing yourself apart for not seeing it?”

Jaing growls in frustration, standing up to pace.  “You  _ don’t _ know me.”  Ordo doesn’t know what he’s capable of, what he wants to do sometimes.  Even if he’s looking at him like he  _ does _ know, and he understands.  Ordo just has that  _ look _ , and  _ Manda _ , Jaing hates it sometimes.  He hates it because it feels like Ordo is seeing all of him, even the ugly, nasty parts he tries to hide from everyone, and he doesn’t fucking  _ care _ , because Jaing is his  _ brother _ and he loves him.  Or something.  

Ordo just sits back and pins him with that look.  “Maybe not,” he says with a too-casual shrug - because Jaing knows  _ him _ too, and he knows when Ordo is banthashitting him.  “Anomaly is being taken care of, and we’re going to talk about this.  Now.”

Jaing doesn’t  _ want _ to talk about it.  Guilt is already eating him up inside, choking him out, twisting like thorny vines in his chest - he never wanted to hurt Anomaly, he wanted to  _ help _ .  He knows what that feeling is like, wanting to feel  _ something _ , to have someone do to you what you want to do to the whole galaxy, to be in so much helpless pain and fury that  _ anything _ , even more pain, feels better than living for another  _ minute _ with nothing else to distract you from it.  He knows that feeling,  _ intimately _ .  To know he made that worse…  If Ordo wasn’t there, gently but  _ firmly _ forcing him to turn around and  _ look at him _ when that was the last thing Jaing wanted to do, he’d have thrown a punch at the durasteel wall. 

Instead, he rips his shoulder away from Ordo, and he grabs his jacket, and he storms out, a thundercloud of that same helpless rage, and he heads back to the bar where he’d found Anomaly.  Maybe he’ll find another fight to get rid of his own pain, and absolve him of the guilt.  Then, maybe he can find Anomaly and make this  _ right _ .


End file.
